I DID IT!!!!!

Guess what?! I FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY finished my urban fantasy pilot after 18 months of brainstorming, outlining, writing draft after draft that just didn't work, and then more brainstorming, outlining, writing draft after draft...etc. In fact, after I finished draft number 10 (yep, count it. TEN DRAFTS), I stared at my computer screen. Just stared. I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. I'd actually done it. I'd finally figured out a good structure for the story and wrote a script that I was actually happy with.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to say that again:

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!

I honestly, seriously considered dropping the project a dozen times. Every time I finished another draft that just didn't click, I promised myself that I was going to give up. Put it on the shelf. Try again at a later date. Forget this frustrating, annoying, stupid story even existed. To be honest, I'm not sure why I kept going. One thing that really helped was that I met a junior literary manager last year when all I had was a logline and a poster. That was it. It was the only story he was interested in. Knowing that somebody in Hollywood wanted to look at it was a great motivating factor. But even so, I was still in a deep, dark, black hole of knowing with absolute certainty that this story was never EVER going to work.

But...a hard knot of stubbornness deep inside me refused to give up. Back in June I had promised myself that I would write just one more good draft, and then I would give up the project forever, satisfied that I had at least given it a really good try. Well, one more 'good draft' turned into five more drafts since none of them were a 'good draft.' I panicked in August, wrote even more frantically, I even signed up for a November screenwriting class in California--a perfect opportunity to meet that manager in person and renew my connection with him (even though I was five months late in giving him my promised pilot script). The class really helped to give me an extra hard push the last couple weeks. I find that I do WAY better in my writing if I have real deadlines--screenwriting contests, weekend trips to California...etc.

I finished draft 10 while being deathly ill and watching loads of Korean drama episodes (Shopping King Louis is really cute, and W was a wild, crazy, amazing adventure criss-crossing the realms of fiction and reality!). I even managed to get it through a critique group the day before I left for California, and I was so lucky my sister tagged along for the trip because I didn't even have enough energy to drive.

Unfortunately, the manager I wanted to meet was traveling and the meeting didn't work out, but I did send him the script, and it's on his to-do list.

I still can't believe I did it. Wow.

Shannara Chronicles Review

I just watched the pilot episode for the new Shannara Chronicles Series. The Elfstones of Shanara by Terry Brooks was my first ever epic fantasy novel as a kid, so it has a special place in my heart. When I heard that Manu Bennet would play Allanon, I knew instantly that the series would be awesome.

My initial reaction: Pretty cool. The visuals of ‘ancient’ human structures grown over with moss and vines is a wonderful backdrop to the fantasy story and I love how the producers cleverly emphasize the post-apocalyptic setting --it’s like they’re sneaking a post apocalyptic story under our noses while wowing the audience with fantasy CGI. It’s a great way to connect with the Hunger Games fanbase all over the world, but still call it a fantasy story.

About ten minutes into the story, my second impression was: Teenybopper story to the max! The opening scene was all about women’s rights, the character of Loren became Amberle’s hot boyfriend, Uncle Ander was 20 instead of 40 years old, while his brother Arion, the official heir, was the classic, stubborn sibling that never listens to anything new or interesting. Ander even has a former relationship with an Elven guard that adds more teenybopper drama to the ball scene.  Also, there’s the naked phenomenon that the review from The Atlantic says best: “Maybe it’ll just be enough to take in the blank acting of the handsome, doe-eyed leads who get into an improbably number of situations that require them to interact while naked.” Apparently, MTV believes that the tension of characters being naked with each other is another requirement of attracting teen audiences, despite claims that the Shannara Chronicles is a family-friendly series.

I have to admit, it felt kind of weird to see a fantasy story played out in a world where most of the main characters have American accents instead of the neutral British brogue common to many movies with a fantastical setting. In addition, the writers made no effort to make the dialogue feel…different. I guess I always expect medieval settings to come with an old-fashioned type of Shakespeare-ish dialogue, but The Shannara Chronicles had dialogue that felt modern at every turn. The modern language cemented the teenybopper feel, since they sounded like teens straight out of a modern high school instead of teens from a far off future, living in a completely different world. I think MTV was trying as hard as they could to make a series that would be VERY appealing to teenage audiences, and thus focused on a fantasy world that had a very modern feel. For myself, I prefer a different world to FEEL different, instead of feeling the same. And now that I think about it, the characters in the Hunger Games never felt like they were characters straight out of a modern high school.

SPOILER ALERT:

Watching all the differences from the book to the TV show was fascinating and instructive at the same time. In the books, the Chosen are selected by the Ellcrys when one of her branches touches your shoulder as you walk underneath. In the TV series, they had an action packed opening sequence where becoming a Chosen is a death-defying race through the woods with a blindfold and your hands tied behind your back. The TV series emphasizes a feminist angle in how no female has ever run the gauntlet before, and she’s turning tradition upside down for the chance to be a Chosen. The opening scene was very different, but definitely more exciting. I was very glad that Amberle started hearing the voice of the Ellcrys during the race, and that the Ellcrys helped her, because it reinforces the idea that Amberle was singled out by the Ellcrys for a very special purpose. I also liked how the story setup that Amberle ran away because of the horrifying visions the Ellcrys showed her. That gave Amberle a very clear motivation for leaving. The book was a bit more vague on that part--Amberle was scared because she felt like she was losing her identity to the Ellcrys. A more personal conflict, but less easy to explain on a screen.

I definitely approve of Allanon’s costuming and Manu Bennet does an excellent job of portraying Allanon’s gravitas. The scene where he wakes up from the druid sleep was…odd, but cool, and it made sense. I’m not sure yet how I feel about Allanon having a sword that grows and shrinks like Percy Jackson’s, but the CGI for his sword is definitely awesome. I dearly hope that his sword is NOT the Sword of Shannara. I don’t think any druid should casually throw that sword around.

Making Dagda Mor an ancient, corrupted druid wasn’t true to the books, but it’s a good way for the producers to unite the narrative threads of the different novels and introduce concepts that I’m sure will be the central plot for season 2--the fight against the book of evil called the Ildatch. It could also be the producer’s attempt to at least mention the storyline of the Sword of Shannara book by making Dagda sound a lot like the evil druid Brona who nearly destroyed the four lands.

I was little disoriented by how all the characters were awkwardly juggled back and forth to many different locations throughout the first episode. In the book, Will was already at Storlock, and he meets Allanon when he collapases on Storlock’s doorstep after being ripped to shreds by wolf demons. In this first episode of the TV series, Will’s mother dies, and he just barely starts his journey to Storlock. In the book, Eretria doesn’t enter the story until much later, when Will and Amberle are fleeing from the Reaper demon on a fantastic horse. In the TV show, she is a gorgeous femme fatale, who saves Will from a troll, and she’s practically  a slave to her Rover father. I admit, I was very much looking forward to seeing the brightly colored rover wagons described in the book, but they did not make an appearance in the first episode.  

I really liked the tension of Eretria being a slave. It gives her more depth, and even though she’s a streetwise thief that will steal the clothes off your back when you’re not looking, seeing the relationship with her father gives her an attractive vulnerability and her deal that she gets her freedom if she captures Will gives her a very convincing motivation for finding him again. I’m excited to see what happens with her in the next episode.

I liked Amberle’s tough personality, and the vulnerability caused by the visions the Ellcrys shows her. The boyfriend angle with Loren was sweet, but cliché.

My least favorite character, unfortunately, was Will. I wasn’t a fan of his long hair when I first saw the pictures, but I was hoping that the acting would make up for it. Sadly, I think the actor does a terrific job of portraying a whiny surfer dude who can’t even tie his own shoes. I’m sad that I won’t get to see Will as an expert healer, and I’m sad that he he’s not even close to competing with the grit and determination of Eretria and Amberle. I assume that will change as Will grows and matures during the season, but I don’t have very high hopes for him. Having strong female characters is great, but I like to see strong male characters as well.

In the TV series, Allanon says that Will has the potential to become a druid. This is interesting because in the books, Will was only a quarter elf, and actually had a very difficult time using the elfstones because of his diluted elf blood. It looks like the TV series is going to set up Will’s heritage as a family of magic-users, in a world where only magic users can use the elfstones, rather than just anyone with elven blood. I liked that Will could only use the elfstones and nothing else in the books, but perhaps the producers wanted to emphasize magic in Will to set up the plot for Will’s children in season 2, which I assume will be based on the next book in the series, The Wishsong of Shannara.

By the way, Allanon’s magic tattoos? I love them. Gives him a hard, tough look different from any monk or wizard I’ve ever seen. And for Manu Bennet? It suits him to the ground.

Wasn’t too thrilled about how Paranor looked, and I was disappointed that the druid codex was only one volume. In the book, there’s a whole wall filled with the druid histories.

But despite some of the weaknesses of the series, Manu Bennett as Allanon is a dream come true and the cinematography of the New Zealand landscape is stunning.  

The Flash Fixed! Part I

Ever since The Flash TV series first came out, it's been great...except for how they handled Barry's relationship with Iris. Everything else in the series seemed to work out pretty well, although some of the dialogue could have been better, but I didn't like how the romance angle with Iris was handled. My frustration peaked when Iris found out Barry was the Flash, and she starts yelling at him and showing everybody how offended she is that they kept her out of the loop. Frankly, I wanted to slap her. I understand that she would be upset, but she took it way too far. Her dad and her best friend love her, and so they keep Barry's powers a secret to try to keep her safe. What's so hard to understand about that? I guess she was secretly angry at herself for never figuring out that Barry had a crush on her, but still. Eddie gets kidnapped, Joe gets kidnapped, and she just complains. I was sick of it, and I was waiting the whole episode for someone to yell at her for being a jerk and put it in perspective. But no one ever did. So, here's the first scene I rewrote to attempt to fix the Iris thing. It was funny, I was able to fix the scene between Cassim and Aladdin with just a couple extra lines. But with Iris? I realized it'd take multiple scenes to fix that problem. And a LOT more dialogue. I wasn't sure if I could, but I took a stab at it anyway. Here's the original scene:







I apologize for the low quality picture. I did an internal recording on my computer. I didn't need sound blankets to improve the sound this time, but surprisingly, I had better picture resolution with the Aladdin clip.

Here's the new dialogue I added, where Cisco gets his chance to verbally slap Iris:

Rewritten Scene:

Iris

I don’t understand. Every day you guys figure out a way to help people.

All these powers, all this equipment and you can’t save Eddie and my dad?

Cisco walks out from behind the desk to face Iris.

Cisco:

Whoa, hang on. You wanna do this? Have three Phds and instead of breaking atoms or curing cancer you have to figure out how to defeat PSYCHIC Gorillas?! My life is a comic book, Iris. With good guys and bad guys and people dying all over the place and every day we have to figure out a new way to break the laws of physics so that we can win.

Cisco pulls out his chair and offers it to Iris.

Cisco

Take this chair. Be my guest. Tell me how we send in Barry to save your dad   without him dying and everyone along with him. Because that’s what this job is all about. How NOT to kill Barry and save the city. You wanna be in the hot seat and let all the deaths be on YOUR conscience it this doesn’t work out? Cuz that’s what this job is like. And then you get nightmares of your mentor shoving his hand into your chest and destroying your heart because of some weird time warp phenomenon leftovers and I have to live with that for the rest of my life! Of COURSE Barry didn't want to tell you. So quit whining and drown yourself in pity somewhere else.

These speeches were a bit too long, but they were fun to write. What dialogue would you have added to the scene? Feel free to comment below and put in your own version.

Aladdin and the King of Thieves FIXED!!!

I think I've found a new obsession. I was happily enjoying my family's VHS copy of Aladdin and the King of Thieves. It was my favorite Aladdin movie as a kid. I especially loved Genie saying, "Brought to you by SAND. It's everywhere. Get used it." My favorite song is "Welcom to the Forty Thieves"--I always get Cassim's line 'larceny is in the genes' stuck in my head. He sounds so much like Sean Connery, I love it!

When the movie reached its climax and Cassim confessed to Aladdin that HE was the ultimate treasure, not the hand of Midas, it really bugged me that Cassim was still holding the hand of Midas and the dialogue just didn't drive the point home like it should have. It worked...but the scene could have been stronger. It should have been a LOT stronger. Cassim holding the golden hand while telling Aladdin that he's the most important thing in the world? Nah. Didn't buy it. So I decided to add a couple lines myself and rewrite the scene! I'm pretty pleased with the result, but I'd love to hear feedback from other people. I've posted a video of the original scene below and my rewritten dialogue below, with the new parts in bold. Let me know what you think! (please pardon the lines on the top of the TV screen. And the closed captions. I figured the captions were good to have in case the audio didn't come through)

Rewritten Scene:

Aladdin

                                        After all these years, you finally have you treasure.

Cassim

                                        This thing?

Cassim looks at the hand, then looks away, ashamed.

Cassim

                                        No. This wretched thing nearly cost me the ultimate treasure.                                                                 Because of this, I’ll never see my wife again.

Cassim drops the hand and hugs Aladdin fiercely.

Cassim

                                        And because of my greed, I almost lost you. 

Cassim pulls back to look Aladdin in the eye.

Cassim

                                        When Saluk was there, I knew that all the gold in the world could never                                         heal the pain of losing you again. You, my boy, you are my ultimate                                                   treasure. I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it.

Cassim picks up the hand of Midas and looks at it disdainfully.

Cassim

                                        The hand of Midas can take its curse to the bottom of the sea!

Cassim throws the hand into the ocean.

I really liked having Cassim mention his wife again. He only talks about her once, and I felt she should have been an important part of his 'admitting I was wrong all along' scene. By the way, recording video from a TV screen works okay, but the audio quality is LOUSY. Too echoey and spread out to get picked up by the camera's microphone. But, remembering that in film school we used sound blankets to soak up echoes and block out unwanted noise, I convinced my family to help me hold up blankets around the TV while my sister filmed the scene. The sound was 50x better! I love it when college degrees come in handy.

If you liked this scene, I'd love some suggestions on other scenes to fix in movies or current TV shows. Scenes that got under your skin because they didn't quite work and it messed up your enjoyment of the movie :)

But Nobody Likes my Character!!!!

Dear Readers,

I'd like to point out the difference between a character that's "Likable" and a character that's "Interesting."I met someone who has a serious-minded character in his story and I had a hard time relating to that character. The writer thought it was because I didn't like the character's serious personality rather than the lack of plot. I'd just like to say that I was one of those kids who grew up not even knowing how to recognize sarcasm or joke around with people outside of my family. I totally sympathize with everyone who has a down-to-earth, practical personality. But just because you have a character who is serious, doesn't mean that character can't be totally fascinating and compelling. Here's a list of some of my favorite books that have down-to-earth protagonists:

Zeck in Orson Scott Card's War of Gifts was fantastic! So much emotional depth!
Captain Lawrence in Naomi Novik's Temeraire series
Keladry in Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet
Lord Cazaril in Lois Bujold's The Curse of Chalion
John Cleaver from Dan Well's I Am Not A Serial Killer books

Even characters that have annoying personalities can carry a novel. Anyone ever seen the TV series House? Dr. House is a horrible jerk to everyone he meets. But he's also cool because his insults are incredibly witty and clever, and he's a medical genius that saves lives every day. So, not exactly likable, but VERY interesting because he's always tackling impossible odds. Sherlock Holmes doesn't exactly have a good bedside manner, but he's so smart that he's still cool. I also love how Steven Moffat's modern Sherlock series capitalizes on his social awkwardness because it's so fun to watch how other people respond to Sherlock.

A friend of mine who works as a script doctor said, "In Breaking Bad, people typically can't stand Walter White and they like Jesse. But they are concerned for Walter's struggle. They are constantly rooting for him and completely invested in his story." When a character faces insurmountable odds, it's almost impossible not to feel for them. The reader wants to know if the character will succeed. If you don't have something interesting for your character to do, then I'm afraid your story is dead. ALWAYS have interesting events in your story. Next week, tune in for a discussion about the difference between emotional storylines and physical, real-world storylines. Both are essential, but beginning writers like to separate the two instead of putting them together.

Katherine Patterson's Perfect Paragraph

I did it again. Walked into the library with a dollar in my pocket that I just had to spend on a book that I'm sure I already own. But it was in such a nice condition and had that professionally applied contact paper covering that I love.... So I gave in. That's the horrible thing about library book sales. They entice you with their $1, $2, and .50 prices. I'll never shop on Amazon or Ebay again and someday my book shelves will overflow with library castoffs.

I bought The Master Puppeteer by Katherine Patterson. Everyone knows about Bridge to Terabithia, but I haven't met very many people that have read The Master Puppeteer. It's a historical fiction set in Japan during a famine in the 18th century. I read it once as a kid, and I don't remember much. Actually, I only remember ONE paragraph. Yep. That's right. I paid a whopping fifty cents for a book because of a single paragraph. Even as a kid, I liked that paragraph so much that I memorized it instantly. In the book, 13-year-old Jiro becomes an apprentice to a Puppeteer company and at the same time, a masked man named Saburo starts stealing rice and giving it to the poor. Unfortunately, the thefts of rice inspire the nobles to strike back at the village and in the middle of all the political chaos and violence, Jiro finds out that the old, blind, Master Puppeteer is the thief Saburo. Jiro's world shatters. He locks the old man in a storage room and runs away, but not before someone from the puppet theater catches him and drags him back to the stage. Jiro's friend has disappeared and he's the only one who can do the part of the girl Akoya's feet for the "Torture of Koto" scene, a famously difficult scene to perform. Here's the paragraph. Actually, two. I'll put in the preceding paragraph to preserve the proper context:

"Jiro grasped [the hem of the Akoya's skirt] between his fingers and bent into position. Ow. Some god saved him from crying aloud as Yoshida's high clog banged into his ankle. The next second the three of them were gliding onto the stage behind the puppet. The performance of "Torture of Koto" had begun.


If he lived to be one hundred and became a master puppeteer with a theater of his own, he would never again rival the performance he gave that day. Had his concentration wavered for one instant from the performance, he would have gone to pieces, so he drove himself into the depths of it. He was like a pearl diver, leaving the world of light and air far behind, plunging toward the treasure at the bottom of the sea." pg 152

See? Wasn't that cool? I don't know if it works as well unless you read the whole book, but as a kid, I was stunned by the intensity of the description. Particularly the first line: "If he lived to be a hundred..." I still love it! If you have any favorite quotes from novels of short stories that you'd like to share, please comment below.

LDS Film Festival

Since I'm currently an intern at Cedar Fort Entertainment, for the first time ever, I got a VIP pass to an awesome event! Hopefully, I can get a VIP pass to SLC Comic Con next. This was my first time attending the LDS film festival and it was pretty fun. I met Orson Scott Card, his assistant, a bucketload of producers and novice filmmakers, and I even saw a short film about a modern day transcendentalist. That particular short film sticks in my head, not because of the talking duck (I hated the duck), but because it was so hilarious to see a young college student, bright eyed and full of promise, voluntarily starving himself and sleeping in a park so that he could learn from nature. It was ridiculous because you could see houses in the background. He wasn't far away from civilization at all. I also loved that irony of how he learns that isolating himself doesn't help anybody. He should be with his own kind and help them out. Maybe that movie was only funny for English majors who have studied Thoreau, but it was fun to watch (except for the talking duck. Maybe they just needed to change the voice of the duck. It grated on my nerves.)

Having a VIP pass means that you can hang out on the squishy couches in the VIP room and snack on the bowls of goodies. I was also happy to get a selfie with Matt Meese, my favorite actor from the TV show, Studio C. I'd still like to know how much they get paid for each episode, but he didn't say. The short film Nightblind had some AMAZING special FX, including one shot that was worked on by a guy who was involved with Guardians of the Galaxy! The director and his buddies have done seven short films in the past few years and their next goal is to make Nightblind into a feature. I spend so much time polishing my scripts that I'm jealous of the people who just go out and shoot films. I wish them the best of luck!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz4N3w5U3DY